Bella Petite proudly presents newly contributing writer Candace Chambers-Belida on Dating and Relationships!
WHEN LOVE IS LOST: part one
If you have ever been in a marital situation or circumstance that had all the makings of an incredible love story, only later to be shocked and amazed to find out that all along it’s more like a train wreck, because your significant love had another lover, then surely you can relate to this article. So before you pull out all your hair, and beat the day-lights out of both of them, first stop, collect your thoughts breathe deeply and quiet yourself. Now after your sanity has returned, it’s time for a reality check.
Reflect back to the first moment of change in the relationship. The moment when you felt that his or her kiss was not the same, his or her touch no longer had that warm tenderness and gentle embrace. There are levels of emotions, just as there are levels of exuberance in a relationship and unfortunately there are levels of falling out of love. We can all relate to the song “You’ve Lost that Loving Feeling.”
The first question, that one has to ask themselves without looking through water-colored glasses, is why? Some people can’t get beyond the initial shock that their significant other has cheated, so they don’t take the time to find out the why? Truly we can agree from the start without a doubt that cheating is never acceptable no matter who does it, but let’s dig a little deeper to find out really why people fall out of love and cheat.
As hard as it is to admit and recognize the truth, a love affair does not happen over night. There are warning signs that lead to the demise of a relationship. So before you hang your partner by his boot straps, lets ponder to see if there was anything at all that you did to contribute to the demise of the relationship as well. None of us are perfect, and without faults and short-comings.
For some this is a hard pill to swallow and it doesn’t matter to them if they have faults or not, because they feel regardless, the other person is completely guilty as heck for the fall of the relationship. Now, this may have a large degree of truth to it, but normally it takes two to tango, and two to pull apart from the cohesiveness of a relationship. When two people come together, there is a definite meshing that takes place, making them one.
And there is a rhythm and balance that keeps the momentum going in the relationship. If one person stops doing their part, its like a domino effect, everything else starts to suffer. So, to be fair on both points it’s most important to re-evaluate the events in the relationship that brought it to this point, and that first begins with you.
So could it be, that you as well had stopped loving and showering the person with affection the way you did in the beginning with that initial goo-goo ga-ga and warm fuzzes? Stop and ponder, during this time, did you, yourself become complacent in the relationship? Did you as well start to take the relationship for granted?
The stress of everyday life has its way of doing most of the damage on relationships, choking the lifeblood out of it. Both parties have to see how the hustle and bustle of life wear and tear on the relationship causing division and problems. We become so focused on work, career, and family issues and problems that we have a tendency to neglect the intimacy and the bond in the relationship.
Stay tuned for the next installment of this two part article. Written by: Candace Chambers-Belida
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